sometimes I worry that maybe I was TOO cool in high school. You know how the cool kids from high school are never cool later in life? Like they turn into drug addicts or college drop outs or both..? Well I am Neither of those things (except a borderline college drop out MAYBE but lets not go there.) Then I go on Instagram and I see the kids that weren’t necessarily cool in grade school doing some really awesome stuff with their lives. And maybe the reason why I’m not doing awesome stuff is because I was too cool back then and I peaked and didn’t even realize.
Don’t get me wrong I had a miserable time in grade school. So much so that I decided to be homeschooled my senior year of high school (who does that?) I also am self aware enough to know that I wasn’t exactly at the bottom of the food chain either. I’m beginning to wonder if in the timeline of my life, I’m hitting a sort of bottom. There’s a good chance that I was considered to be cooler then I thought and I’m currently plummeting to my social death!! Maybe I’m wrong (and I hope I am) but all signs are looking down right about now.
It is, however, a good motivating factor to see some of my old peers finding success. There’s nothing like feeling like a complete and total failure to really ignite a fire under your ass. The fire has my mind racing thinking of all the possibilities and places I could potentially take my life. I honestly always thought I had a very clear path I was taking, I even considered myself lucky. I was lucky because I knew what career I wanted and I knew how to get there. Although suddenly I’m not too sure. Am I having a quarter life crisis? Or maybe a brain aneurism.
This is starting to sound a lot like the college kids I was really REALLY hoping to not be. I thought I could skip the “confused millennial 20’s” and jump straight on over to “I surprisingly have my shit together 20’s.” A girl can dream right?
A friend of mine was talking over the weekend about how he really wasn’t living the lifestyle he wanted to lead, and was considering giving up on his creative passions to be able to support himself. That’s really a more eloquent way of saying what he actually said which was “I love being rich way more then I love my craft.” In which I drunkenly found myself agreeing and saying “F*ck that I would sooner be a housewife.” I felt a little guilty for this response. (Being a housewife isn’t such a bad gig and not not being a housewife… f*ck feminism is confusing sometimes.. Pro choice!!) I felt guilty but I also felt this “ping” in my gut like “oh no no no no this can NOT be” I felt like I needed to run away to get some cardio in, go read a world history book, take a bunch a vitamins and maybe make some conference calls ALL at once just to catch up to where I wanted to be in my life. Even then I don’t think I would be satisfied.
I guess the only thing to do is to pick myself up and get a good motivating guided meditation going.
I’m probably just making excuses for myself lets be real.
Or maybe this is a testament to how damaging social media can be on a millennials self esteem.
Either way I’m over it. I don’t think it’s healthy to go on self pity tangents.
peace out Wannabe’s